


Watching Silently

by yutorin



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: M/M, Originally Posted on LiveJournal, Some angsty Yamajima from my fifteen year old brain, originally posted in 2012, yayyyyyyyyyyyyy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-11 23:50:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17456624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yutorin/pseuds/yutorin
Summary: Yuto's moving on.





	Watching Silently

**Author's Note:**

> Reposted from my LJ. This one is first person for some reason. Apparently I did that when I was fifteen.

All I can do is stand and watch, as you walk away, a new smile on your face that comes so much easier now than it did when I knew you. That smile used to be reserved just for me. Now you display it for anybody. I watch you laugh and joke, and I suddenly realize that I don't know you anymore. I used to be your world, but now I'm just a fading memory, and you've moved on to much better things, leaving the broken and fragile for the more certain. I can't take my mind off of you.

I entertain myself with a poor replacement, and I feel sorry for him, because I know he's just a tool. Because I know he's just there because I'm afraid that I'll go running to you, and I'm too afraid to find out if you would push me away. That would break me. Meanwhile I know that I'll eventually break him. I've woven a tangled web of false feelings, and it's tearing me apart, but you don't know, and as long as you're happy then it's worth it. That's what I want to believe, but I find it hard to convince myself, through the tears.

I cry almost every day now. As soon as I can stop putting on a fake cheery mask for the public I break down and cry. And nobody knows. I've been trying to figure it out and I think I finally did: this is what heartbreak feels like. The worst part is that it's all my fault. I pushed you away, because you loved me. Now you don't, and all I want is that love. It shaped my life, it was something I believed in, and now a piece of my foundation has been ripped away, and I don't know what to do. You have always been a part of me Yuto, and I used to be a part of you.

I remember when we used to joke and say that we'd die without each other. Now I realize that it wasn't so funny. Because I'm dying, from the inside out. I'm withering and rotting and falling apart all alone in the darkness. Yet without me you flourish and grow happier, more confident than ever, and all I can do stand there and watch you walk away, and let my tears stain my cheeks, as my worst nightmare becomes a reality, and you leave me.


End file.
